It ain't easy keeping Yaya Toure happy.
The most dominant midfielder in the Premiership who, when he's in the mood, can destroy any team in his path has had his issues with his club side Manchester City over the past few months.
Toure was claimed to be 'very upset' that the club did not give him a cake on his 31st Birthday, along with the club owners not shaking his hand on a trip to Abu Dhabi. There were also grumblings that he wasn't respected properly by the club and his contributions weren't adequately appreciated.
There was also a darker allegation made that City didn't give him a compassionate leave to see his brother Ibrahim Toure before he sadly passed away. This has since been disputed, as has the birthday cake incident.
Whether these perceived slights were manufactured by his agent Dimitri Seluk, or by Toure himself, in an attempt to force a move remains to be seen, but for now Toure will just have to make do with his 'pitiful' £240,000 a week salary.
City will no doubt be wondering what will set him off next time, and I've come up with the following ten things that might lead to City's star midfielder walking through the exit door at the end of this coming season:
- James Milner fails to retweet Yaya's hilarious joke about low fibre diets and anal fissures.
- Manuel Pellegrini goes two whole matches between whispering, "I love you Yaya. You're my everything."
- Martín Demichelis cuts his pornstar like hair without consulting with Yaya.
- City's cafeteria names a sandwich after Yaya, that contains white fish, sabel, capers, onions, and cream cheese.
- Sergio Aguero's high five after Yaya's goal against West Brom lacks enthusiasm.
- Joe Hart fails to flush the toilet in the City dressing room and leaves Yaya a filthy floater.
- Pablo Zabaleta tells Yaya that his favourite musician, Kanye West, isn't a musical genius, but more of a narcissistic fuckwit.
- David Silva refuses to name his son after Yaya, but instead names him Kolo Silva.
- Micah Richards farts on the Manchester City team bus and blames it on Yaya.
- Yaya accuses the cashier at the cafeteria counter of putting semen in his coffee. It turns out that the cream has simply gone bad, but Yaya has had enough.