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What I'll Miss the Most About Brendan Rodgers as Liverpool Boss

With Liverpool FC currently on a dismal run of only one win in nine matches, following their 1-1 draw in the Merseyside derby with Everton today, Fenway Sports Group decided to relieve Brendan Rodgers of his managerial duties immediately.

While some Liverpool fans seemed to think the club might have given him a little more time, the majority appeared to believe that the Northern Irishman had taken the club as far as he could and agreed with the move.

Meanwhile fans of Liverpool's greatest rival Manchester United took to Twitter and with a dash of black humour mourned the loss of a bitter opponent's manager who they viewed as utterly inept.

For the sake of humour we spoke to a United fan who asked to remain anonymous, so that he doesn't occur the wrath of angry Scousers, but suggested that we refer to him as Bruce Wayne.

We'll just go with anonymous, Bruce. Anyhow, here are the things this fella will miss about Rodgers being at the helm at Anfield:
  1. Rodgers bright white veneers that glistened even at the lowest moments will prove a massive loss to the Anfield touchline. I'll miss those wonderful chompers and how they sparkled even when United were taking the lead.
  2. Another thing I'll miss about his appearance is his glowing tan that made him look a Terry's Chocolate Orange wrapper or perhaps Tara Reid from Sharknado. Not seeing that "just come back from me holidays in Benidorm" glow is another cruel loss to English football.
  3. Brendan's spectacularly shitty record in the transfer market is a devasting loss to United and Liverpool's other rivals. Since the summer of 2012 he's blown £292 million, while working with an equally crap transfer committee that could somehow field a flop eleven made up of: Bogdan, Cissokho, Sakho, Lovren, Manquillo, Assaidi, Luis Alberto, Markovic, Borini, Balotelli, and Aspas. Makes for grim reading, or perhaps brilliant reading dependent upon your perspective.
  4. His inability to keep his key players won't be missed at Anfield I'm assuming. OK, Luis Suarez was probably always leaving for Barcelona, but to use the £75 million you received for him on utter garbage like Lovren and Balotelli, and then alienate your other key player Raheem Sterling, while shoving club legend Stephen Gerrard out the door is hilarious mismanagement.
  5. On top of everything though, his ridiculous middle management sayings stemming for a delusional sense of self worth will be what I miss the most. You'd need David Brent from The Office to come up with things like the following:

  • “I’ve always said that you can live without water for many days, but you can’t live for a second without hope.”
  • "When you’ve got the ball 65-70% of the time, it’s a football death for the other team...It’s death by football.”
  • "My biggest mentor is myself because I’ve had to study, so that’s been my biggest influence.”
  • "I will leave no stone unturned in my quest - and that quest will be relentless"

Happy trails Brendan!


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