Sometimes it's almost better to switch off the sound or perhaps flip over to the Spanish commentary, even if the only Spanish phrase you know is "Una Cerveza, Por Favor", rather than listen to some of the English commentators trot out their typical annoying cliches each week.
Here are ten of the worst:
- "It's squeaky bum time!" - This was borrowed from Sir Alex Ferguson and it was weird enough when he said it.
- "All just a bit of handbags there" - The two players were about to hit each other, but chickened out.
- "He’s got to be hitting the target from there" - An absolutely ridiculous miss that Emile Heskey might have even buried.
- "Good on the Floor for a Big Man" - Despite this one sounding vaguely sexual, it's just confirmation that a towering giant can use his feet occasionally. Rare for a professional footballer when you think about it.
- "No-one gambled" - An overhit cross to absolutely no one.
- "I didn't see any contact" - He fucking dove!
- "Setting out their stall" - No West Ham aren't setting up a fruit and vegetable stand, they're just playing a bit cautious.
- "There are no easy games in International Football" - Ummm... San Marino?
- "A game of two halves" - As opposed to the game with sixteen parts.
- "At the end of the day" - This means absolutely nothing, but is the go to phrase for everyone in English football.